Stream of Consciousness

sometimes I wish I could compose music: it would speak what I want to say because sometimes what I want to say is made of musical notes and feelings found in music that I don’t know how to express in words
I get really depressed sometimes and I have no idea why. It’s just a bam! moment where one minute I’m fine and the next I kinda just want to curl into a ball and maybe cry or take a nap to make myself feel better. actually there’s probably a reason behind most of them but that’s okay, it’s enough acknowledging it
but there’s always some kind of poetry that comes out when I’m sad. which is of course usually the same. it’s the type of poetry I used to write 2-3 years ago when I was a depressed maniac and all I wrote were emo poems that when I look back on them now, seem like crap. but who am i to judge
my taste is so strange that I don’t even know. I liked it then and maybe I’ll like it now and sometimes it just seems to immature to me. disgusts me. makes me want to push it aside, crumple it up into a ball. throw it in the corner. massive destroyed piece of work
unnoticed? maybe underappreciated for what I do. yea. that seems like the write words. because it seems like it’s the truth. or is it? who knows.
I don’t. do you?
songs, poems, stories, magical things that occur in a space of time that seems infinite and yet diminished to nothingness in the space of a blink. who can fix me? not me
I’m the wrong person to look for help.
I’m fed up with this. what is going on? what do I want to do with my life? I don’t know anymore. there is no direction to this life. who knows where I am headed because I don’t.


1 Response to “Stream of Consciousness”

  1. 1 momo October 13, 2009 at 3:42 pm

    It gets better. It may not feel like things are working out right now, but didn’t you feel that way 2-3 years ago too? Life is a series of ups and downs. Take solace in your friends, they are the ones who care about you.

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