Strong Enough

Last night I needed to clear my head so I went for a short walk to my little secret spot. This place is the fifth floor of the parking deck near where I live. It’s one of the highest accessible places that is open to the sky and no people are around. The view is so-so. I can see a lot, but not as much as I would like to see, but it fulfills its purpose.

The one thing that really stood out to me last night was a bird I saw. It was around 12 30 am. Being college students, there were still people awake outside and police officers and such but up on the parking deck it was very quiet and empty. I was lying down and looking up at the stars [which helps to calm me down] when i saw this moving object high up in the sky. My first thought was “airplane” but I looked closer and saw the little figure moving oddly. It was a bird, flapping it’s wings with as much power it could just to fly through the sky. Not only that, it was flying really high. Most birds do not fly that high, I’m sure. This was the fifth level of a parking deck. To my left was a tower which is twice the height of the parking deck. That bird flew over the tower by at least another 20 feet. I was so surprised.

In my head I saw that bird as more courageous than I. It was pursuing some dream of flying higher than any other bird it ever knew and yet I could not do the same. I suppose I was jealous. The bird knew what it wanted and went and got it. Meanwhile, there I was, lying on the parking deck, wondering what I was going to do with the rest of my life, with the people in my life, with everything. I was so confused. There was cotton in my head and the cigarette and the sky did little to help.

I hate to be cliche and bring up this line, but a popular and really striking line from the song Airplanes by B.O.B is “Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now.” A little part of me really does wish that bird was an airplane, or I saw an airplane last night, and it really did turn into a shooting star. If I could just get one wish, to wish that everything will work out for the best and that I’ll be happy soon, then everything would be great. Instead I’m left here wondering all the possibilities and whether or not I should pursue the things I want to pursue.

Life is hard. I just want to have a day.

[This post did not really turn out how I intended it to, but I got my point across, I think.]

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