I hope tomorrow you find better things

I sit awkwardly in your shadow. It’s only been a few days since I’ve seen you but my heart is fluttering in my chest and my feet don’t know what to do with themselves. I urge them to calm down, breathe deep and let it all out, but somehow your absence has sent me into overdrive and I don’t know how I managed to be myself all this time. I’m so nervous my teeth are showing and my lips are permanently curved up, like they always are when I’m nervous and having a good time. Didn’t know that did you? You’re just sitting there watching me as I run my mouth off, talking about random things that I haven’t been able to tell you in the days you’ve been out of my life. You probably think I’m crazy and I worry that you’ll hate me so I tell myself to calm down again and it works for a few minutes before the jitter begins in my stomach and works its way through my head.

You’re tickling my feet and I can feel your touch just coursing through me and I want to touch you so badly but I don’t know at what point we’re at because what are we supposed to do now that summer’s come? Everything seems to be the same but at a more chemical level things are changing every so slightly. I don’t have a clue how to proceed.

Now I’m staring straight ahead at the road. The wind is soothing and twisting my hair everywhere while you’re driving so crazy down the road but I trust you, I trust you so much it scares me. I thought I trusted other people, but this trust is far beyond that. I know you won’t hurt me. Without needing to look at you, or knowing you’re looking at me I’m not that strange girl anymore. This is more comfortable. It’s sad, but I can talk to you like we used to a few days ago before any of those sad and silly good byes. I am myself again and I think you’ve been yourself all along. Where are we at, do you know? I don’t know and I really want to figure it out eventually.

You enfold me in a hug, or did I start it? I don’t remember. I’m wrapped in your arms and I’m warm and safe and there’s no other place I’d rather be but here with you. It makes me so happy. I feel like I’m beginning to understand where we are. I’m slowly finding my way there.

We hold hands and hold onto each other and I watch you like a child in a candy store but this is so much more than a mere child’s happiness. It’s happiness to the nth degree of one of the most important people in my life and your happiness makes me happy. If this moment could last a little longer I would do anything just to see your smile and the life in your eyes light up my world and set my heart beating a little faster in my chest which aches for you with every breath.

You are so unique and I’m afraid even if I meet someone who is similar to you, they’ll never be the same because no one will be as special as you are in my eyes and my life. We kiss and my questions have been answered and everything is clear again. I am no longer confused and have found my way to a sort of resolution. Your lips are soft and I kiss them. Over and over we ignore the stares and the cars driving by. This moment and place and time is for you and me. I will remember and if I forget then I will remember forever when I pass by and when I visit and all the memories will flood back and the smile on my face won’t be wiped off until I drive past and eventually forget again.

You are a poison I am slowly drinking in and falling victim to.

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2 Responses to “I hope tomorrow you find better things”


  1. 1 slamdunk May 17, 2010 at 12:01 am

    Thought-provoking read that is well written. Thanks for sharing.


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