That Goddamned Cabinet Door

There are still things that catch me off guard
like that cabinet door heading into my face
but it’s really the moments where you call me sweetheart
and open the door for me though I’m highly capable of opening it myself.
When I open my eyes but want to close them again because of the sunlight
I hear you mumble to me “Good morning, honey”
and I’m caught off guard, I don’t know what to say.
There are still things that make me miss you and maybe,
I admit, shed a few tears, but not because I’m sad but because I miss you
like that note you stuffed into my bag and then later denied
but I found it and I’m honestly saying that seeing those simple words
that reminded me so much of you and your antics made these brown eyes pour a little,
I took a few minutes to myself before I came back to reality
that’s how much it meant to me.
Or the time I drew a picture for you and you laughed so much
I had no idea you would enjoy it so
it only started as a little something to brighten your day and the crappy week you’ve been having
and hearing you laughing so happily made me feel so good inside
I’m glad, but I still miss you.
There are still so many uncertainties that I try to ignore
knowing I’ll have to confront them sometime, hopefully later rather than sooner
like if you’ll be here in two months, or five, or next summer
because I know you can travel halfway around the world and I don’t think I’d be able to stop you
and the knowledge that I’ll be left here scares me and makes me sad
so I try to push it away and not think about it.
Antarctica? That really scared me because I really thought you would do it
and when you said you wouldn’t I could barely breathe a sigh of relief I’d been so convinced
you might leave and explore like you always do but you always come back
like back in the dorm when you always slammed open my door and I was so happy to see you
even if you were covered in mud, head to toe, you’d come back home.
There are still times I wonder “what if he had never asked how I was doing”
would we be where we are now? I wonder and I don’t know if I’d like what I could possibly be seeing
but I dissolve it because I’m here and you’re here and we’re together
who could be happier, I am so happy you’re mine and I’m yours.
This might be the biggest leap I’ve taken and I would take it again
just so you could catch me in your arms and hold me and call me sleepy
and so I could run my fingers through your dirty hair and just be there, for you, whenever you need me
be together until finally we’re sick of each other and you’re no longer a crawlspace sleepyhead.


1 Response to “That Goddamned Cabinet Door”

  1. 1 johnbrown'sbody August 31, 2010 at 2:41 am

    “30 years from now i will wonder if you really knew what you were to me–and i’ll doubt you ever knew the four letter word i only called you in my dreams–why i’d wake up sometimes saying good morning, home–i don’t know if you guessed it,but i wasn’t talking about that shitty hole of and apartment we spent that summer in”

    ps. but you are sleepy!

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