Friendship confuses me

It seems to me like the only relationship I can maintain, and not even that well, is the one I have with my boyfriend. My friends seem only like acquaintances, or it seems to me like they treat me in that way. Where’s this best friend attitude we used to have? I don’t want to blame them, because it’s my fault too. I don’t reach out. I’m shy and if I’m not that comfortable then I don’t act like my little crazy self. It’s difficult.

People are hard to understand, too. I really don’t like fake friendships, but most of all I hate using people. If you’re going to hang out with me and talk to me and act like my friend, then do it. If you want to break everything off or forget about me, then fine. But if you’re going to do that, don’t come running to me when you need help. Don’t look to me when there’s no one else you can trust to look after you. That either tells me you need better friends or I’m not really your friend at all, just someone you can use.

Friendships with girls are so difficult and confusing. Friendships with guys just seem so much easier. There’s no cheating or ulterior motives. Everything is hanging out, no pun intended. Why can’t everything be that way?


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