Disconnect

Somewhere in my life a kind of disconnect occurred  between myself and the people I interact with. The person I am around my family is completely different from the person I show in school and sometimes in front of my friends. I turn from an outgoing, slightly crazy little girl into a withdrawn and quietly calculating and watching ghost. It’s as if I don’t even exist. I thought I would manage to break out of this shell when I got older, but it seems I have not. I am still as I used to be in high school, except now I am in college. I wouldn’t say I haven’t made any progress, but there is still a lot of work to be done. I am still quiet and hesitant when it comes to voicing my personal thoughts and anything about myself, but I have broken out of the shell a little, not afraid as much of what others will say when I state my opinion. However, this disconnect between sharing me with other people is something I definitely have seem little improvement with. I’m afraid of people hearing me singing. It’s not like I have a horrible voice. I just don’t want anyone listening. Even my own parents. It’s the same way when I practice an instrument. I think it’s just that I want my privacy, and unfortunately that extends to all private aspects of my life. When will this disconnect end, I don’t know, but I will definitely continue breaching the walls.

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