Duck Winks, Asfalt Mutton, and Hot Air Baboons

It’s been awhile since I’ve made New Year’s Resolutions. People seem to find such joy in making them and then hate themselves when the resolutions do not happen. I figure, if I decide to do something or to change something about myself, I should be able to make that resolve whenever I want to. There’s nothing that says because I made the resolution for New Years it’s going to be any better than if I made the resolution in July. New Year’s Resolution (as per the Oxford English Dictionary) is to do or to refrain from doing a specified thing from that time onwards, or to attempt to achieve a particular goal, usually during the coming year. If searched in the Oxford English Dictionary also, to resolve is “to have resolved upon a course of action [wait, why is the OED using the word in its definition?], a firm intention; firmness or steadfastness of purpose.” I suppose the best definition is this one: A formal decision, determination, or expression of opinion made by or submitted to a deliberative assembly, meeting, etc. Therefore this means a resolution can occur at any time. Why the fascination with choosing the New Year to perform these resolutions? Is it the allure of a new year, new beginnings? For many people, life continues on in the same drab tone as it did before. But perhaps it is a point where one can choose to say “I am stopping here and continuing no further. I will change myself.”

Regardless, my whole point in mentioning New Year’s Resolutions is that I’ve finally come up with some for the coming year of 2012. When I say it has been awhile, I mean it. As in I’m not sure if the resolutions should be made before or directly after the New Year has come. Perhaps before, as that makes more sense. Anyway, I refrained from making resolutions year after year because they were all shallow and single minded resolutions of a child, but now I find myself thinking differently. Perhaps I am getting wiser [haha, funny].

In no particular order, these are my resolutions:

  • Discover Myself – This is cheesy, yes, but I have lost sight of who I am. Or, rather than saying that I have lost sight of it, it may be more proper to say that I never set my sights on who I am. This year I want to really delve into this being in which blood flows and air is breathed. Who am I? What makes me tick? What am I doing with my life? What do I want from the world? What does the world want from me? I’m not saying that I will be able to wholly understand myself within a year’s time. It may be possible but more than likely it will not be. I want to make a dent, though, and get started on the path of understanding myself more clearly. I also want to find the means through which I can discover myself better. Maybe I shouldn’t do it in blog form. Perhaps pictures? I am a pretty visual person, but my love for words propels me on. [Propel, remember that flavored water? Gosh that was so long ago.] By understanding who I am I will then know which path I should take as I go into my last year of college and head into the adult world. I must be honest, this whole journey is a bit nervewracking.
  • Talk to Strangers – and after talking to them, make friends. I am not entirely good at either. I usually stay holed up in my room and browse on the computer for hours at a time. Right after the New Year passes I will be traveling abroad to England and Europe. I am hoping that during my stay there I will be able to “Discover Myself” but also make friends with people my age and people who are not my age. It would be nice to branch out rather than being in a controlled environment like back home [here]. Hoping the self confidence boost will carry over and I will be able to make more friends here in America. [Crossing my fingers].
  • Explore – Since I will be going to a new place, a new country, I want to learn as much as I can, both academically and physically [?]. I want to see what Europe is through my own eyes rather than how it is portrayed through books and TV shows. Those things don’t show the true side. If you ever want to know a place, go there for yourself. As it is, I won’t be spending every day in London, the stereotypical England destination but a more secluded, quiet spot of Southwest England. I don’t have the guts to travel by myself but I want to go to so many places that I can’t possibly fit it all into five months [really only one and a half months]. I would just love to learn as much as I can about the beautiful country.
  • Write – Last but not least. Lately I have been slacking off on my writing. During the time I am gone, my boyfriend has decided he will write a book. I figured I would do something of the same caliber. Maybe not a novel, but I definitely want to make up for all the time that I didn’t spend writing in the past three years and also for the time I should be writing for this year. I can only proudly say I am a writer if that is actually what I do, eat breathe and sleep writing. Therefore, this is the big year of writing. I will write on the corners of papers, fill out entire notebooks, and hopefully make headway into my novel. Or start from scratch and go far into another novel. Regardless of what it is, I plan to write until my hands and my fingers shake and my pen runs out of ink. When I return from England I plan on tuning up my typewriter [Xmas gift from boyfriend. Squeal!] and then typing on it until there is a giant stack next to it.

This is the year for myself, making myself a better person but also a better me. I guess we’ll all see by the end of the year, 366 days from now [because 2012 is a leap year] whether I have achieved any of these resolutions. Only four, but these four resolutions encompass so much more than four simple layers. It encompasses the past, present, and future of me.

Good luck to everyone on all of their New Year resolutions. You will be hearing more from me in the coming year [hopefully]. Happy New Year!

The title is dedicated to one and a half hours on the road with my one and only and his dying car.



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